"Can I pick your brain?"

To be a professional in today’s hyper-connected, over-networked world means one thing: LOTS of LinkedIn requests to “pick your brain.” (Sidebar: That expression has always rubbed me the wrong way…and not just because “pick your brain” sounds like I’m about to be mauled in a zombie apocalypse movie. The expression is so one-sided; it implies that one party will be doing the giving and one party will be doing the taking. Not the best way to start a conversation or relationship. Ok, end rant.)

I noticed I started getting a lot more of these asks from friends, past coworkers and complete randos after taking the leap and leaving my amazing full-time job to run my own start-up.

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How to be more selective with your calls + meetings

At first, I pretty much took every coffee meeting I could grab (I was VERY caffeinated); as someone who is hyper-social and enjoys reconnecting, I found the meetings energizing. But I quickly realized that even though I loved chatting with old friends and new people, I was losing control of my most valuable asset: time.

Even though I love people and helping them whenever I can, the reality is that I have a company to run. I have revenue to find. Users to listen to. Partnerships to build. Oh, and I also have a husband, toddler and group of friends whom I adore. So that doesn’t leave a whole lot of extra time for brain-picking.

I learned that I had to be more selective with all the requests for meetings, speaking engagements, panel invitations, volunteer opportunities, and other “asks.”

But how!? It can be really tough to discern between which meetings might be the doorway to tons of valuable investor intros or press inquiries, and which meetings are just…an emotional energy suck.

So, the amazing entrepreneur, attorney, and friend, Amanda Heyman and I sketched out this handy dandy flowchart to help us try to determine which invitations we should say yes to and which we should say no to (and not feel badly).

Love me a good flowchart

Some Considerations...

Who is doing the asking?

I like how this flowchart is leading with who is doing the asking. Is the person a dear friend? A past coworker I adore? A creative director I kind of know who is sexist trash? A random college student? Ira Glass?

It then goes into whether you have the emotional time and space (as well as the physical time and space) to commit to this ask . It also asks about what’s in it for you: might you be receiving great press as a result? A new client (aka revenue)? Is it soul-filling? Is it FUN? Is it pretty easy for you to do?

Is it during a time that works for you? Is it at a convenient location?

I also want to call out the question that asks, “Is it during a time that works for me, in a place that works for me?” Is the meeting or event near your office or home? Easy to get to? Is it in the middle of your busiest season? Is it during an ungodly hour? These sound like stupid small details but they all add up to the main question of, “Will saying yes be worth it to me or will I be walking around annoyed, regretting that I said yes?”

Hard No's, Soft No's + Maybe-So's

We also tried to bucket out the no’s into a few types of no’s: hard no’s, soft no’s and maybe’s based on logistics, expectations or asks changing slightly.

Templated Email Replies

While the flowchart isn’t perfect (and of course exceptions can and should be made), it’s a great place to start. If you want to be extra efficient, I recommend writing an email template that falls under each category:

1. Need More Details
2. Yes! Do It!
3. Maybe Later
4. No…So Sorry (Soft No)
5. Hell No (Hard No)

As a chronic people-pleaser, writing templated emails really helps me because it immediately removes the guilt and anxiety that actually writing out, “I’m sorry, I can’t, don’t hate me….” can kick up (Sex and the City throwback, anyone?).

What helps you prioritize your time so you can help others? How do you determine what to say yes to, no to and HELL NO to? Any tips of your own?

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This article was originally published to Elyse Ash's Medium account on December 9, 2019.