Tips for making your return to work from maternity leave (slightly) less awful

First of all, congratulations on your baby! Whether you birthed your baby or adopted, are breastfeeding or formula-feeding, going back to work part-time or full-time, in the office or remotely…this shit is hard. Having a baby is hard. Feeding a baby is hard. Being woken up 83,942 times (give or take) in the middle of the night is hard. Finding pants that fit is hard. Not permanently smelling like a combination of B.O., spoiled milk and night sweats is hard.

Then add on work responsibilities and financial pressure and woof. It’s Sisyphean.

Last week, I returned to work after having my second kiddo. I’m by no means an expert, but as someone who has birthed two babies, then returned to a full-time job circa 14 weeks both times, I’ve learned a few tips on how to make the transition back into the Work World slightly less jarring.**

**It’s worth noting that there are not enough hacks or tips or caffeine in the world that will make this transition seamless or easy. Returning to the Work World post-baby is hard as shit. It just is. Even if you’re excited to get back to work and enjoy hot coffee uninterrupted, it’s still hard. It’s also worth noting that I come from a place of immense privilege being able to take *any* time off of work in this country. I also have an understanding, flexible employer who accommodated a lot of my needs and requests; unfortunately that is not always the case.

10 Tips for Returning to Work Post-Maternity Leave

1. You are going to have FEELINGS. And that's ok.

Going back to work after having a baby is a big transition. Most likely you’re not feeling like Your Best Self. You might not be feeling much like yourself at all, but rather a puddle of love, tears and anxiety.

So whether you’re excited to jump back into Work World and enjoy lunch uninterrupted, or whether you’re devastated to be leaving that new baby smell even for a few hours, those feelings you’re having are ok. And they will change every 15 minutes for the first two years. The best thing you can do is acknowledge your feelings and ride the waves.

2. Connect with your boss before it's time to go back.

Whether you want to set up an in-person coffee date or connect over the phone or video chat, it’s important for you and your manager to get aligned before you’re back to work. This will give you the opportunity to get all caught up on the work gossip (who left, who started, what revenue looks like, what happened to Creepy Bob in Sales) and also begin to set expectations about how things might need to change once you return.

3. Clearly communicate your boundaries + stick to them.

This chat with your manager is a great opportunity for you to share any new needs or boundaries you may have since becoming a parent.

For example, are you planning on pumping during work? Does your office even have a wellness or mother’s room with a lock where you can privately pump? Is there a culture in which it’s ok for you to pump twice or three times a day? Also, will you need to shift your hours at all to accommodate daycare pickups/dropoffs or doctor appointments? Are you between child care options right now?

Make sure you communicate any and all of these new needs to your manager and then to your team as soon as you can. Then, stick to them.

Sticking to them is the hardest part because inevitably Jackass John from Finance will book a meeting over your pumping time. Then it falls on you to tell Jackass John from Finance (different guy from Creepy Bob in Sales) that you cannot attend the quarterly planning meeting he scheduled because you will need to remove milk from your breasts at that time.

Awkward? Yes. But also necessary. Jackass John needs to learn. And you need to hold the line. Because if you don’t, no one will respect your pumping time and then you’re running around with clogged ducts and no one deserves that. NO ONE. So block your calendars (I block mine like this).

Turn off your Slack notifications. Set your out-of-office reply. Whatever your new boundaries are, you deserve to have them respected.

4. Slow-roll your way back into work, if possible.

Is there an option to work a couple of days a week at first? If there’s an opportunity to work from home or even 4 days a week, then request that additional flexibility. Returning to work postpartum is a big logistical and emotional adjustment and if there is any way you can gradually ease into this new routine, then do it.

5. Make sure you have clothes to wear that fit and make you feel good-ish.

You just had a baby. AMAZING job to you and your body! Unfortunately we live in America in a deeply problematic era where society wants you to “bounce back” and look like you didn’t have a baby ASAP. Well, I’m here to tell you….that shit is not realistic. So rather than feeling badly in too-tight jeans, please just buy some new ones. Or flowy dresses. Or blazers. Or whatever makes you feel beautiful, strong and confident and is appropriate for you to wear to work.

6. Use performance-enhancing drugs.

Caffeine is your friend. So is Ibuprofen, Zoloft and chocolate. Seriously. These are desperate times. You gotta do what you gotta do. To be able to stay awake and perform at work, caffeine is a necessity (and maybe antidepressants are, too). Now is not the time to be stubborn or prideful. Make sure you are taking the vitamins, supplements, and medications that you need. Eat food. Drink water.

7. Try to compartmentalize.

Compartmentalizing comes quite naturally to some people, and VERYYYYY unnaturally to others (aka, me!). But it’s important to try your hardest to be at work when you’re at work and at home when you’re at home.

It sounds simple enough but it’s hard to do. Plus you can never *truly* turn off this new parent part of your brain. Being a parent means always being available — you need to be on-hand in case your kiddo runs a fever at daycare or shoves a Lego up their nose. But tryyyyyy to be at work when you’re at work and then when you’re home, put away your laptop and phone. Play with your kids. Smell your baby. Order some DoorDash.

8. Make coworker friends who already have kids.

Maybe you already have a few coworker friends who have kids. Maybe none of your coworkers have kids. But if possible, find some other parents at your office to commiserate with. As supportive and loving as your coworkers are who don’t have sticky little gremlins at home, they don’t always have a high tolerance for brainstorming cute Halloween costume ideas or watching the video of That Cute Thing They Just Did. This is one additional way to make sure you have the camaraderie and emotional support you need at work.

9. If you have a partner, make sure you communicate any new needs that might (lol will) pop up.

If you’re coupled up and co-parenting, it’s important to let your person know how they can best assist you during this transition. Be open. Be clear. And don’t be self-conscious about appearing “needy.” You need what you need — and it’s always changing. Maybe you realize you need an earlier bedtime. Or you need them to do more laundry. Or you need more time in the mornings to get ready. Whatever it is, make sure you are communicating your needs to your partner so they can best support you and alleviate additional stress.

10. Let go of the guilt.

Some days you are going to feel like a shitty-ass parent. And some days you are going to feel like a shitty-ass employee. This is to be expected. You’re only human. You’re doing your best.

Give yourself a damn break. You are doing something really hard and the sooner you can learn to acknowledge those guilt and shame feelings, then release them and give yourself a hug and an iced latte, the easier this transition will be.

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‍This article was originally published to Elyse Ash's Medium account on April 8, 2022. Photos of my adorable family are by the amazing Twin Cities-based photographer, Meg Cooper.